A
seasonably appropriate review from the massive archive…
Have
you ever looked at that classic Norman Rockwell picture of Thanksgiving where
the bird is about to meet its end at the utensils of all the happy family at
the table and seen something sinister going on? What might possibly lurk behind
those smiles? Is a smile on one or more at the table just a little too forced?
Maybe you think the picture is fine. Maybe your own family is a cause to
contemplate a little holiday murder. You get the family you are born into, but
who says some of them don't need taking out?
That
is the premise behind The Killer Wore Cranberry series
from Untreed Reads. The offering this year titled The Killer Wore Cranberry: Room For
Thirds is another good one featuring twisted--and often murderous--behavior
on and around Thanksgiving. While none of the stories actually deals with the
real rage behind Thanksgiving (premature Christmas music and advertising) the
stories are still good ones. The book this year also features three recipes of
her own from author Lisa Wagner for Pumpkin Cranberry Pancakes, Cranberry
Chutney, and Apple Cranberry Pie.
After
an introduction by editor J. Alan Hartman, the stories begin with “Stuffed” by
Toni Goodyear. George knew his wife Sharon was cheating on him before listening
to it happening on his surveillance gear. She is misbehaving at the house of
Brian Welling. Brian is a neighbor and supposed to be his friend. It started
weeks ago and George did notice it happening despite his wife’s often repeated
claims that George never notices anything. George is going to make sure this
Thanksgiving is one for all to remember.
It is
just days before Thanksgiving in 1969 and Aunt Nozzie, short for Aunt Rosalind,
has decided to go into business out of her kitchen making jams, sauces, and the
like. If that wasn't bad enough she has summoned Darcie to come home to
Illinois for Thanksgiving as well as to help with the cooking. The last thing
Darcie wants to do is do that as when she comes home for Thanksgiving somebody
gets murdered. But, you do what you have to do for your favorite Aunt in “A
Saucy Kind Of Holiday” by Lesley A. Diehl.
The
next story titled “The Corner Suite” by Elizabeth Hosang is punctuated for
narration though it reads as if it is all dialogue from an elderly woman.
Through the piece we learn of her plans for plants, food, and a certain room
she has wants at the retirement home.
The fictional
cooking show on a cable channel that serves as background for “Operation Knock
Her Down a Peg” by Barb Goffman could certainly be a real one. Darkly funny, it
tells the tale of the plan of one cousin to teach another cousin her place by
way of an inedible Thanksgiving dinner. Easier said than done in so many ways.
It
was all the fault of the moonshine. Saturday night moonshine drinking has led
the idea of stealing a pig in “A Pig in a Poke” by Herschel Cozine. Lem is
tired of having turkey every Thanksgiving and wants something different this
year. His not so brilliant idea is to go swipe a pig from the pen at Barlow's
place. The idea was bad enough, but the execution is way worse.
“Mama
Made Kugel” by Barbara Metzger is next. Kugel was the only thing Mama ever made
right. She has been missing seven years now, has been declared dead, and her
daughter, Mira, wants this Thanksgiving
done the right way with Mama's Kugel. She still can't find her mama's recipe
loose leaf binder so she can't do things like Mama would have if she was there.
Instead, she has to put up with caters and various relatives she could easily
do without. It's going to be a very special Thanksgiving---just not the way
Mira intended.
The
Reverend Blister B. Bullet is face down in his mashed potatoes in the dining
room of the retirement home. The potatoes are not why he died. The big kitchen
knife that is embedded in his neck did the deed in the often amusing “The
Mashed Potato/Cranberry Thanksgiving Murder Case” by Big Jim Williams. According
to Police Detective Sedgwick Segway, known as “Scooter” to his fellow officers,
it is also clear that:
“’Judging by the angle of the
Knife” continued Segway,” I'd say he was murdered by either a right-or left
handed killer.’”
Coming
late to the Thanksgiving dinner was a good idea in “The Bells of Saint Marie”
by Randall Dewitt. More can't be said without ruining the twisted and often
very funny read.
Humor
is also present in “You Say Potato” by Sarafina Gravagno. Uncle Jim is dead and
Miss Hartigan blames the yams. Those yams are what started everything off in
this complicated tale.
Morris
knew his day was very strange when the vegetables started talking to him. First,
it was the potato he was about to pull out of the ground as “Vegetables Aren't Good For You!” by Laird Long begins.
Then the pumpkins did it, the peas did it, and then the turkeys headed for him
while chanting “Eat me-at, Morris.” Then, things really went bad.
Maybe
it was food poisoning or maybe it was something else in “Blame it on the Chef” by
Rhett Shepard. Dad tries different things every Thanksgiving because he thinks
he is an amateur gourmet chief. Sometimes there are bathroom casualties, but
nobody ever actually died before though they may have felt like it. Uncle Jeb
is most definitely dead and the why and the how will take the Police and
Kathleen to figure out.
We
have all had really cheap pens stop working at inopportune times. The pens that
Tom swiped from work are really bad ones. So he didn't take the phone message
down correctly in “It's All in the Timing” by Warren Bull. Much like the first proverbial
domino in a row that, when touched starts off the cascading chain, Tom’s
failure to get the message correct triggered a cascade of events that
culminated in one heck of a Thanksgiving dinner.
Trish
is trying to finish setting up Thanksgiving dinner, but Crease keeps swiping tastes
in “Diminishing Returns” by Lee Hammerschmidt. He has plans and isn't sticking
around for dinner. Trish is going to need more wine and help with to deal with
this.
Cletus
Harper believes broccoli is the devil’s food. Maybe if Flo hadn't gone and
ruined his cheese by sticking broccoli in it, nothing would have happened. She
did it, he has his shotgun, and she is outside screaming about him to the
neighbors in “Cheese it, The Cops” by Sharon Daynard.
The
whole point of leaving Oakland and moving to Nowhere, Alaska, was to get away
from the homicides. The place only has 32 residents. Now its population has
been reduced by two thirds and a former cop is supposed to figure it all out in
“Fowl Play” by Mary Mackey.
Doing
the Thanksgiving Dinner and dealing with all the assorted guests was bad enough
in “Next Year, the Lotus Garden” by Mary Patterson Thornburg. Kate had tried to
get Mack to go to the Lotus Garden and break the Thanksgiving disaster cycle
and he wouldn't. Now she has to put everybody up for the night and maybe longer
as a brutal winter storm has descended on the area in the final story of the
book.
Brief
bios of the 17 authors involved bring the book to a close.
The Killer Wore Cranberry: Room For Thirds is another solidly good installment of the series. No matter how tough your own relatives are, they should not come close to these fictional ones depicted in the often darkly funny stories. If they do, you have inspirational material for the next installment, but be sure to be very careful on the research angle. As some of these characters found out, planning is very important and discovery of your intentions beforehand can be disastrous.
The
Killer Wore Cranberry: Room For Thirds
Editor:
J. Alan Hartman
Untreed
Reads
October
2013
ASIN: B00G5WH78K
eBook
167 Pages
Material supplied by Editor J. Alan Hartman for my use in an objective review.
Kevin
R. Tipple ©2013, 2021
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