Guest Post: Never Let Them See You Sweat by Paula Messina

Please welcome Paula Messina to the blog today…

 

Never Let Them See You Sweat

by Paula Messina

 

In an old deodorant commercial, an actor cautions, “Never let them see you sweat.”

That’s good advice for any public appearance. The rub is how to pull it off. I’ll tell you right now, the trick isn’t the right deodorant.

Your nerves needn’t sabotage you. Instead, make your nerves work for you.

After my very first speech, someone said, “You’re so calm up there. How do you do it?”

I don’t remember my response. I do remember what I thought, and more importantly, how I felt.

Are you out of your mind? Calm? I thought I’d pass out.

It happened again after my next speech. Another audience member wanted to know, “How do you stay so calm?”

I detected a trend, two audience members too polite to tell me I was a horrible, nervous wreck and should never, ever give another speech.

I was a slow learner. I didn’t stop.

By the fourth or fifth time an audience member asked how I remained calm, light dawned over Marblehead. When my knees knocked, I was the only one who heard the rattle. The audience saw a calm, collected speaker.

I found it comforting to know what I experienced as a speaker was different from what my audience experienced. It was okay to be nervous because the audience didn’t see, much less feel, my anxiety.

I’m not going to tell you I conquered my nerves. I still get nervous. My hands still shake and my heart races, but I know I’m fine despite those nerves. Or maybe it’s because of those nerves.

In an article on the website anxiety.org, Cinzia Roccaforte says “A 2012 study of actors and other performers indicated that stage fright was a universal experience that cuts across all types of professional and amateur performers. If performance anxiety is pervasive, why might people continually subject themselves to one nerve-wracking experience after another? This same study indicated that performers possessed self-awareness regarding anxiety, but chose to keep performing because it often fulfilled other emotional needs.”

Tony Bennett credits Frank Sinatra with the best advice he ever received. “Sinatra told me not to worry about being nervous, that it was a good thing since it showed that I cared…and if I cared, the audience would also care and root for me. He was absolutely right and to this day I still get butterflies when I go on stage, but I know that it’s a good thing.”

Nerves are part and parcel of every performance. Actors say it’s time to toss the grease paint when the butterflies fly away. In a Harvard Business Review article, Allison Shapira says, “Contrary to popular belief, the secret to confident public speaking is not about getting rid of your nerves. The key is to reframe your anxiety as excitement.”

Sinatra and Shapira are on the same wave length. Accept that you’ll be nervous and call it excitement.

It also helps to be prepared. If you rehearse and are confident in your material, you’ll be more able to believe those nerves are your friend.

To be honest, I don’t know why I appear calm when speaking before an audience, but I believe the fact that I always practice is part of it. I practice as early and as often as I can. Also, I take my time. I pause and breathe. I never rush.

Just as it’s important to see your nerves in a different light, it’s helpful to change the way your perceive your audience. It isn’t the enemy. It’s a friend who wants you to succeed. Sarah Smith, author of Crimes and Survivors, says, “Your audience wants to like you. They want to have fun and be amazed. Remember that and have fun too.”

Here are some more tips:

Joan Leotta, a short story writer, poet, and spoken word artist says, “Smile when you walk up to the mic, keep that smile inside you.”

Play a character. This can be someone you make up, a favorite character from fiction or the movies, or a great orator. The character might even have the same name as you. When you stand in front of the audience, you’re not on the line. The character is.

Beforehand, find a quiet, private spot to close your eyes and imagine yourself doing well. Make the image as bright and colorful as you can. Note your flawless delivery. Hear the thunderous applause. See the standing ovation. Feel the satisfaction of a job well done.

Imagine you’re speaking to a loved one. Longtime Boston news anchor Jack Williams pictured his parents’ faces. You can do the same with a loved one, a friend, even your pet orangutan.

Try isolating your tension. For example, clench the toes on your right foot. This confines your tension to one spot and relaxes the rest of your body.

Imagine that the audience members are in clown regalia or their birthday suits. Imagine owning the room by sending out feelers from your head to every corner.

You give a speech or a reading. The verb “give” says it all. Your performance is a gift to your audience. Your audience accepts your gift by listening intently and applauding wildly at the end.

Remember what Frank Sinatra said. Your nerves mean you care.

If you’d like to develop your public speaking skills and practice regularly before an audience, Toastmasters International (https://www.toastmasters.org/) is a good place to start. Two-time Derringer Award winner Stephen D. Rogers is also a Distinguished Toastmaster with hundreds of speeches under his belt. He says, “Being in Toastmasters has helped me become more comfortable with everything from prepared speeches to general conversation.”

Your nerves will always be with you. They’re a fact of life. Don’t fight them. Enlist them as an ally.

And remember, never let them see you sweat.

 

Paula Messina ©2022 

When Paula Messina isn't walking along the United States' first public beach, she's working on a novel set in Boston during the 1940s.