Like last week,
there is not a short story Wednesday review from me today. I have not read
anything the last two weeks that would qualify. I also decided not to search
for an old repeat of mine as I did not want to take the time. Like always, I
will link to other short story reviews as I see them later today.
I did not want to
take the time as I have been busy with some things here. Not only was that the Longmire
review you saw yesterday, but I have also been writing a new short story.
I recently was
gifted a membership to the Sisters in Crime North Dallas Chapter and the National
group because a certain wonderful person in the leadership here decided she
really wanted me to write something and submit it for the next Dallas
anthology. I thought she was wasting her money and tried very hard to talk her
out of it.
I have not written
anything new since February of 2022 and that tale wound up in the Back Road
Bobby and Friends anthology. What you have seen come out in Crimeucopia: Strictly
Off The Record and will again in January in another Crimeucopia
anthology, have been reprints. I just have not been writing and thought I was pretty
much done.
Grief remains a
major presence in my life and I struggle almost daily to deal with it. December
1st will mark six years since Sandi passed and I am still having a
very hard time with it. Whatever muse I had, tat creative side of things,
seemingly died with her as there just has not been any inspiration to do
anything.
I tried to explain
all this to my benefactor who insisted that she wanted me to have the chance to
do something for it and understood that money is a serious issue for me. Money is
a huge issue and I have been cancelling things and scaling back as best as I
can as what little I have left from my inheritance after my Mom passed is like
sand passing through the hourglass. Things are kind of grim.
Anyway, after
several back-and-forth emails and Scott pushing me to say yes, I finally
agreed, she did, and I became a very grateful member.
I still had no idea
at all. I used to easily get ideas, but after Sandi passed, once I came out of
the fog about six months later, and I started functioning a bit again and
actually taking a daily shower and all the rest of it, the ideas were gone. I
had nothing.
Coming up with
something for Backroad Bobby and Friends was brutal and it did
not happen until very last minute. That time I suddenly had an image in my head
one morning and built a story around that image.
This time has been
a little better and it has helped that they just moved the deadline back to
October 18th.
About a week and
half ago, I got up just before dawn to use the bathroom as one must once one
gets to that certain age, and then went back to bed. I did not get back to sleep
right away and was in that weird state where you are not asleep, but you are
not awake. My mind tends to drift when I am like that and I started thinking about
the anthology and the fact that I had zero ideas and the clock was ticking. As
I laid there, trying to not think so I could go back to sleep, a gem of
something drifted through.
A title.
That was it. Just
a title for the story. A three word title.
It would not go
away.
Instead of going
back to sleep, the thing flickered to life like an ember in a cold fireplace. I
lay there and mentally poked at it and gradually realized there was something
to it. I think I dozed off a couple of times and yet kept walking back up and
thinking about it.
Eventually, after
about an hour, I gave up and got out of bed. Once I was dressed and had my morning
pills in me, I went out on the back wooden deck outside my house with a pen and
pad of paper. I do everything longhand whether it be reviews or my own fiction.
Then it gets typed. Scott types my reviews, but for the fiction I do it as I
edit and tweak as I go once the longhand first draft is written.
Things have fallen
cooled off enough here that one can sit out there in the morning before the sun
really gets going. That morning I wrote for about an hour and a half before
Scott joined me out there. Over the next several days, I sat out there each morning
and wrote a bit in the quiet of the morning. The story just unspooled every day.
I would make a note or three about what was going to happen at the end of each
writing session. The next day I would glance at the notes, though I usually did
not need the reminder, and got to work.
It just rolled
along as the entire thing came alive in my head with very little thinking
effort.
It took about a
week and then the rough draft was finished. That was last Friday.
I started typing yesterday
afternoon and got a little over 1700 words down (about four pages of my
horrible handwriting) before the body screamed enough and my hands started
acting up too much to keep going. I hunt and peck so I am slow as it is. Even
slower when I tweak things as I go. But, the words are getting down on the page
and that is what matters.
So, in a few days,
I just might have the second draft done.
I have no idea
what this means for my ability to write going forward. Right now, I am just
focused on getting this one done and off before deadline.
And now you know
why I am not reading as much as normal. I am writing.
Kevin, I'm so glad you are getting back in the saddle, not matter how briefly. Dealing with grief is a painful process and working around that grief is difficult. Perhaps it is time for the creative floodgates to open -- perhaps slowly, perhaps surely. Best wishes to you, my friend.
ReplyDeleteAlthough my grief has greatly lessened, my muse has not returned. My husband and I had offices across the hall from each other and it was sort of a dual endeavor. He wrote academic books and I wrote mostly stories but writing was something we shared. I did write a story last fall, which a few readers liked a lot, but EQMM turned it down and probably AHMM will too. I know I should submit it to more places but I have lost that desire again. Anyway. I am happy for you to lean into your writing again and I hope to join you eventually.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jerry. One hopes they might be cracking open a little bit.
ReplyDeleteI have missed out on several projects this summer simply because I had zero ideas.
Thank you, Patti. It is so very hard now. I am sorry you also have the same lack of ideas/muse.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this with us. I am sorry that your grief lingers but everyone handles it differently. I am happy that you are making efforts toward writing.
ReplyDeleteThank you, TracyK.
ReplyDeleteI am trying.
I have always thought it a bit weird it has been so strong and so much worse this year. It wasn't like I did not know for a couple of months what was going to happen. It was not a shock at all, like it is for many.