40 years ago today I married my New England girl. She was and always will be my everything. Being here without her is brutally hard every day. Some days are way harder. It has not gotten any easier as the years pass. At this point, I don’t think it ever will, as it just gets harder every year.
Please
welcome back author Tom Milani to the blog today as he shares the backstory of
his debut novel, Places That Are Gone. Published by Unnerving, the book releases this
Tuesday. The official book launch will be held this coming Saturday at Elaines,
208 Queen Street Alexandria, VA 22314, at noon. Tickets are free and can be
obtained through EventBrite.
A Memory and Places That Are
Gone
Tom Milani
In the 1980s, I lived in a
garden-style condominium in West Springfield, a Northern Virginia suburb. On my
eastbound commute, I shared the road with drivers headed to jobs in the inner
suburbs of Washington, DC, or into the city itself. One particular day, before
I even left my neighborhood, I saw a woman hitchhiking.
And here, I’ll let Bennett Wilder,
the protagonist of my debut novel, Places
That Are Gone, take over: “Mary Ann Vecchio. That was
Bennett’s first thought when he saw the hitchhiker. She crouched and spread her
arms, the look on her face pleading. In tenth grade he’d written a paper about
John Filo’s photograph of the high school girl kneeling over the body of Kent
State student Jeffrey Miller.”
Like Bennett, I picked the woman up, and even at the time, she reminded me of the girl in the Kent State photograph—of that much, I’m certain. During the twenty minutes she was in my car, she told me about herself, showed me a picture of her son and, before I dropped her off, said, “I wish I could party with you.”
I
never mentioned that conversation to anyone, and when I thought about it, what
always stood out was how open she had been with me. I didn’t regret turning
down her offer, but as a writer, I’ve always been curious about the turn not made,
the question not asked, the phone call not answered.
Flash
forward to November 2020 and the pandemic. Several writing friends, along with
my wife, convinced me to participate in National Novel Writing Month. For
NaNoWriMo, the goal was to write 50,000 words in a month. I took two weeks off my
day job and started writing just after midnight on November 1. I didn’t
outline, but I had a start: Bennett Wilder picked up a hitchhiker named Liz
Messina on his way to work. They talked. She said she wished they could party
together. Here was where reality and fiction diverged—Bennett accepted her
offer.
That
was enough of a hook to get me started, and anytime I got stuck, I upped the
stakes. Bennett and Liz both had complicated pasts, and what Bennett envisioned
as a break from his failing marriage turned into a far darker cautionary tale. By
the end of the month, I’d written 42,000 words, ending with Bennett and Liz
literally driving off into the sunset. I let the novel sit like that for a few
days before deciding that the ending wasn’t earned. Moreover, I wanted to
explore Liz’s character and motivation, which led me to show scenes between her
and Bennett in separate chapters, from each character’s point of view. The
overlapping narrative paints a fuller picture of their relationship. One of my
friends asked why Bennett’s buddy Paul would so readily agree to help him.
Answering that question led to several scenes from Bennett’s past, showing him
as being morally compromised before he even met Liz.
By
October 2021, I was pitching the novel. Some three-and-a-half years later, on
May 13, 2025, it will be released.
Amazon Associate Purchase Link: https://amzn.to/4jTja7t
Tom Milani ©2025
Tom Milani (www.tommilani.com) has published short fiction in Groovy Gumshoes: Private Eyes in the Psychedelic Sixties, Illicit Motions, Janie’s Got a Gun: Crime Fiction Inspired by the Songs of Aerosmith, and Sleuths Just Wanna Have Fun: Private Eyes in the Materialistic Eighties, among other places. “Barracuda Backfire” was published in 2024 as Book 4 of Michael Bracken’s Chop Shop series of novellas and shortlisted for a Derringer. Places That Are Gone is his first novel. Tom lives in Old Town Alexandria with his wife, glass sculptor Alison Sigethy.
With today being Thanksgiving, Scott and I are taking a bit of a break the next couple of days. This means no FFB Review tomorrow, repeat or otherwise, and no new review by Scott Saturday.
I will be linking to interesting things like I always do and I will be taking care of whatever I need to do for SMFS. But, otherwise, I plan to watch football and work on some things around here such as some reviews I need to do.
This time of year is always very tough. This year has been really hard, so trying this seems like the best option.
37 years ago today I finally made a honest woman out of Sandi. Or, as she liked to say, she made the “cradle robbing legal like” as she was a few months older than me. Much to the horror and shame of both families, mine more than hers, we had been living together for several years before we finally were married on this day back in 1985. I know for sure my family was convinced we were doomed to fail. I think her folks thought the same thing.
She was a New England girl, through and through, and I
was a Texas boy that most of her friends and family had no idea what to make of
at all. I did it all, but wear cowboy boots, and most of them were sure I was
not good enough for her. I was not, but not in the way they thought. Though I
did not show it as it was hard for me to talk about or show her, I loved her
with every fiber of my being as she was my everything.
Things were never easy for us. My parents basically
disowned me as soon as I moved out over her. They never got over it though
things were better the last few years my Mom was alive. Her parents were far
more supportive in the beginning, but grew to believe it would be best if their
little girl took the kids and got the heck out of dodge and away from me.
We went through a lot of bad stuff with next to no
help from anyone. It took a toll on both of us and there was a lot of
counseling through the years. We took our vows seriously and worked at it.
Things got better in the years just before I got sick and then she did with
what turned out to be the damn cancer.
Today is the fifth anniversary without her here telling me what needs to be done and that things will work out because they are meant to be. I remain convinced that going on without her was not what was meant to be. We were supposed to grow very old together, hanging out in our respective chairs, and occasionally visited by friends and family. Acceptance of the life I now have without her remains very hard and elusive.
So many told me that after a year things would get
easier. Nope. Not for me. Every day is still like it just happened.
She was and always will be my everything. Not an hour
goes by where I do not think of her. Often more than once. It is hard every
single day, but some days are really, really downright brutal.
This is always one of those days.
Some reading opportunities of interest this week. Black Cat Weekly #265 is out and includes the cover short story, s Huck Finn Goes W...
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