and my personal nightmare continues with no signs of abating. Nine months ago today, March 15, 2010 was when my back and leg problem began. Nine months later, after thousands in out of pocket insurance costs, six MRI's, bloodwork, the best efforts of several doctors and therapists, I am no closer to a solution or a better life. If anything, I am worse off now.
I just filled out the paperwork for disability as required by the state of Texas and had it mailed it off to someplace in Illinois for processing. Much of the information was duplication of what I had done online for the federal government. It took four more hours of excruciating pain sitting up while I tried to coherently explain what the living hell of my life has become.
And that is the deal. How does one explain to others what every single minute of every single day is like? One can't. Words don't express it. Simply put, I would not wish this on my worst enemy.
And, yes, I am well aware that there are folks worse off than me and would probably trade anything to be in my shoes as compared to their situations. Logically, I do understand that.
Emotionally, is a far different thing. This evening while I sat and watched the sun set from our apartment porch overlooking the creek amidst all the pots full of dead and dying plants (I never did get one tomato this year), I could not help thinking how much I hate the new me and the new normal.
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6 comments:
Kevin,
I cannot imagine the endless struggle for relief. You remain in my prayers. Take care and I sincerely hope the new year brings with it, improvement your health and decrease in the pain associated with it.
I've been what you are going through, and about to go through, and I wih you luck. It will hopefully get better soon. We'll keep our fingers crossed.
I wish you the best of luck. When I was forced to apply for SSDI, the government, in essence, decided that I was dead and it took me three years to get the matter settled.
(BTW, word verification is "twerp", something that describes a few of the people I had to fight with.)
This September was the first month in seven years I did not have to visit a doctor. Diabetes has claimed two toes, both kidneys, made me blind, gave me a blood pressure problem that caused five mini-strokes, etc.
But it gets better. I still have eight toes, a new healthy kidney transplant, can now read with my left eye, understand how to avoid any more mini-strokes,etc.
Things change, both bad and good. So enjoy the good in your life knowing it might change tomorrow. Ignore the bad knowing it will be gone someday.
Good luck to you and know there are people out here who care about you.
Kevin-I am thinking and worrying about you. All best.
Thank you one and all. It has been a rough few days, but today was a little better. I managed to even work on a couple of stories for about an hour today which is the first time I have worked on any of my fiction in months.
So, that helped too.
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