and my personal nightmare continues with no signs of abating. Nine months ago today, March 15, 2010 was when my back and leg problem began. Nine months later, after thousands in out of pocket insurance costs, six MRI's, bloodwork, the best efforts of several doctors and therapists, I am no closer to a solution or a better life. If anything, I am worse off now.
I just filled out the paperwork for disability as required by the state of Texas and had it mailed it off to someplace in Illinois for processing. Much of the information was duplication of what I had done online for the federal government. It took four more hours of excruciating pain sitting up while I tried to coherently explain what the living hell of my life has become.
And that is the deal. How does one explain to others what every single minute of every single day is like? One can't. Words don't express it. Simply put, I would not wish this on my worst enemy.
And, yes, I am well aware that there are folks worse off than me and would probably trade anything to be in my shoes as compared to their situations. Logically, I do understand that.
Emotionally, is a far different thing. This evening while I sat and watched the sun set from our apartment porch overlooking the creek amidst all the pots full of dead and dying plants (I never did get one tomato this year), I could not help thinking how much I hate the new me and the new normal.