Sunday, June 10, 2018

Movie Review: The Hurricane Heist

I very rarely review movies as I am not at all good at it. My late friend, Glenn Walker, was and did an amazing job at his blog. Glenn passed just a few days after Sandi did last December making 2017 even worse in my mind. Glenn’s great blog, “Welcome To Hell” is still up so you can go check out his many reviews of movies, television shows, and other things anytime you would like to do so. I suspect he would have had a few words to say about The Hurricane Heist.

Netflix Synopsis:

“As a hurricane bears down on a coastal town, the U.S. mint located there faces an additional threat from hackers who’ve infiltrated the facility to steal millions—and only a storm chaser and a government agent are left to foil the thieves.”

Scott and I worked our way through this insanely bad movie Friday afternoon by way of Netflix. One knows that such a premise is going to lead to unrealistic viewing. But, we had no idea just how stupid this thing was going to be. Think SHARKNADO without the humor and you have THE HURRICAN HEIST. There are so many things wrong with this movie if I named them all you would quit reading a third of the way through reading this review. A couple of highlights will have to suffice.

The alleged coastal town is Gulf Port, Mississippi as Hurricane Tammy approaches wreaking havoc at levels far off the charts. Yet, even with 145 plus mile an hour winds that crumble buildings and rolls/ flips cars, one of our intrepid heroes is able to move around the streets shooting her gun at bad guys who are also able to dodge rolling and flipping cars, walk nearly upright, and fire their guns. At the same time, another intrepid hero is able to scale an ladder affixed to the side of a building to get on the roof to climb an additional ladder on the side of a cell tower so that they can pull down the tower and interrupt the bad guys attempt to establish a connection for the computers back in the mint.

Hubcaps can be used as a weapon when one is out of bullets. As the winds howl and flip nearby cars, you can semi stand and throw numerous metal hubcaps, one at a time, like a Frisbee. It will accelerate, turn, twist through the air, and hit bad guys. Bad guys will suffer injuries and go down hard. Good guy has amazing aim.

Also amazing is the fact that almost nobody in the area put up plywood sheeting or taped their windows and yet the glass nearly always holds. Glass in doors and windows hold as debris flies through the air with the greatest of ease. Even the skylights at the nearby mall hold as viewers are treated to action shots of various things passing by the overhead windows. That includes at least one flying door, a flying tree, and quite possibly airborne rocks. Then, in an action scene that is totally beyond any belief and generated spontaneous laughter here by both of us, things get way worse.

Then there is the whole action scene at the end which is a long sequence of people running from the attacking hurricane eyewall. Yes, the hurricane eyewall is coming after them all, bad guys and good, and can be outrun by way of semi-truck for just so long. Just when you thought things could not get more ludicrous…they do.

From start to finish this thing is just bad. Plenty of water and wind, plenty of action, plenty of violence, several family angst scenes, and more are present in The Hurricane Heist. No frontal nudity which was very disappointing as the movie would have seriously benefited by a little of that. Like a lot of action movies, one must detach the brain before viewing.

Kevin R. Tipple ©2018

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