8:45 AM
Nothing has ever been right again. It has been five very long years since Sandi moved on without me. We were supposed to have a small place out somewhere with a few horses running around, a wide porch with rocking chairs, and grandchildren at our feet. We were supposed to grow old together.
Instead, cancer took her, and changed everything. Not a day goes by that I don't wish I could bring her back. Or, even more, that I had shuffled off this mortal coil right with her.
Going on is brutally hard. Today is one of those days that the universe really puts it to you with both boots.
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6 comments:
I hear you, my friend. I can't say things will get better, but I do know that they can. Hang in there!
As I have said, you are handling all of this far better than I am. You, Bill Crider, Patti Abbott, and many other fine folks, seem to have figured out how to navigate the Grief Sea. I am still having one hell of a time of it.
But, at least today, I am out of bed and vertical. Unlike past years.
So sorry, Kevin. The way I navigated it is getting out with other people as much as I can. Sitting home is not good for me for any length of time. Jerry is surrounded by family and I think that has helped him. I think being alone is the worst thing for grief. Anderson Cooper has a podcast where he talks about his grief (ALL THERE IS). Maybe listening to that would help. To know you are not alone in suffering. Or get therapy. With Medicare, you can get free help. Make your life about getting this behind you. Sandi would want that. Your suffering is not proof of how much you loved her. I had to get that out of my head--thinking I had to suffer to show my love.
My natural default setting is sitting at home. Sandi always pushed me to go do do things, be around people, etc.
Did not know about the Cooper podcast. I know of podcasts, in general, but I have never listened to one. Not a one on anything.
You are right, Sandi kept telling me to live after the worst happened.
Anyway, thank you, Patti.
I'll be thinking of you, Kevin. I know how hard it is.
I know you do and I am sorry.
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