Sandi is about the same as she has been since she was admitted last week. They continue to deal with an unspecified infection using several antibiotics and continue to pump large doses of fluids through her. They also continue with the radiation. Overnight she had an episode of A-Fib which they dealt with and her heart is in normal rhythm and continuously monitored.
The last couple of days have been extremely emotional and very upsetting as her main cancer doctor has recommended strongly that it is time to transition to hospice and put in place a DNR order on her. I agreed with both recommendations because of what I have been told about her situation as well as suffering she is in. Because of the condition she is in, and my very real limitations, my thoughts have been whether we try to do hospice at home or not.
Now that she is a little more lucid yesterday afternoon and today than she has been up till now, Sandi is very unhappy with me and the doctors. She has very publicly expressed that fact as well as the fact she wants more chemo and wants to keep fighting no matter what it will do to her. She does not want any of the medical staff to "give up on her" and told me not to as well. She expressed those sentiments strongly to Dr. Vance again today, (one of Dr. Bushan's partners) and he will relay her thoughts to Dr. Bushan. The DNR came back off of her sometime yesterday which is why they treated the A-Fib episode last night.
As more than one person has put it to me in the last day---she is still very much raging against the dying of the light.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
9 comments:
Toughest decision you ever have to make. Thinking of you.
My thoughts are with you.
Very hard as it is, but it is so much harder now because she is so very upset with me.
I don't know what to say other than that this is the proverbial space between a rock and a hard place. My prayers are with Sandi, you, and your sons.
I made these decisions recently, too, as you know, and they were heart-wrenching. I'm sorry this is being made so difficult. Since my husband couldn't express himself, that made it somewhat easier. I wish Sandi could accept the comfort she could get, but it is what it is and that's what you have to deal with, of course. Wishing the best for all of you, whatever that is.
I can understand Sandi's determination to fight but I hope she will be able understand that hospice does not necessarily mean giving up -- I know that was the case with my late mother-in-law who fought for more than a year while on hospice. You are in a difficult place and at a difficult time. My thoughts and best wishes are still with you and her, Kevin.
Thank you everyone. It is all very hard.
There are no words. I am so very sorry that you are having to go through this. Love extracts a great price.
Jeanne
I don't know what to say except that I'm sending my best wishes to you & your family.
Post a Comment