I want to thank the folks who have given generously the last few days. It means a lot--more than I can really explain.
The last ten days have been the worst I have gone through with whatever is wrong with me. Over nine months, one gets a sense of where the boundaries are on good days (rare though they are) and bad days. The last ten days have been proof that the bad days can be so much worse than I thought they could be.
Over the last nine months I have gradually gotten worse for whatever reason. I am hoping that what has gone on the last ten days is just a temporary setback and not permanent. But, if it is permanent, it does not bode well.
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
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I hope you feel better soon. I know every time I think it can't get much worse, it does. If only thinking it can't get much better would work the same way.
I know once they figure out what is wrong and you know what to do to fight it, it gets less annoying.
I also wish the best for your wife and kids. I found my problems were always harder on my loved ones than me.
Maybe this could get you into the mood to write some really horror filled noir.
I am becoming a bigger and bigger burden which does not make it easier for them. It is also getting increasingly harder for me to sit more than a few minutes at a time. That makes everything harder including writing.
I am seriously thinking about hanging the old pencil up. At some point, one just has to accept that one can't do certain things anymore. I have given up a lot these last nine months and apparently I still have not given up enough.
You never can escape writing. The stories refuse to stop entering your head. I have given up on my writing career more than once.
After my second movie sale failed to make it before the camera I gave up any hopes of a writing career. I still wrote inside my dead but stopped typing or trying to sell my stories. I found my perfect job, a receiving clerk, book person, buyer for a variety of things we sold at Tower Records. I found happiness there. I discovered how to love what my life was and not hate what my life wasn't. Then my health went and Tower not long after. My writing reminded me I still had things I could do that I love.
Do what is right for you and your loved ones. Writing will wait. It will be there for you when you are ready. Learn from the journey you face. Your experiences and survival will only enrich your writing when it is time for you to return to the typewriter should you need to leave it for awhile.
I hope you can continue to write, but should your life need your attention elsewhere know that writing will never leave you. Nor the thoughts of support from your readers here.
I have done little blog reading in recent months and was unaware of your situation until Randy mentioned it on DorothyL. I know it's tough, but don't give up. Just keep looking for that little ray of sunshine that will peep in one of these days and start straightenng things out.
I'm sure all your friends are pulling for you, and you'll be in my prayers.
Thank you, Chester. Much appreciated. I keep hoping for change but today marks ten months which is not a good sign at all.
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