It was another tough day at the hospital, as they all seem
to be now. Sandi was again very much out of it while antibiotics and various
fluids flowed into her. They did her radiation treatment this morning leaving
six more to do to reach their goal of 25 sessions.
We learned today that they are giving her a high dose of
morphine in pill form to alleviate her pain. I had no idea they made morphine
in pill form. It does seem to be helping her pain levels and that gives her some
comfort.
I had hoped that her mental issues were due to the
combination of pain killers and other things they are giving her. That hope was
dashed when they told me that in all likelihood it is “disease progression.” That
means she has nowhere to go, mentally speaking, but downward from here. For
now, she still knows who we are, but there is no guarantee how much longer that
will last.
It is becoming increasing clear that the woman I have loved
since I met her in 1980 is slipping away from me. I am going to be a widower soon. How I am supposed to go on without her and live is beyond me.
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7 comments:
I know it doesn't seem possible. I didn't think it was. But here I am. You'll find a way.
I wish I had the words, Kevin.
I don't know what to say, Kevin.
I know I am not the first to be in this situation. I won't be the last. The reality of what is going to happen in days or a few weeks is crushing.
I'm so glad, for her sake, that she's getting morphine. At this point, it's her friend. And it WILL be hard. Very hard. Living without the man I was married to for 50 years is proving to be the hardest adjustment I've ever made. Hugs for all of you. You'll get through it because there's no other choice.
Dear Kevin, your friends surround you with prayers and good wishes. Losing Sandi will be hard, but you will survive. You're stronger than you know. Now her body is weighed down by pain but death will release her from worldly struggles and she will be free. Bless you, dear friend.
I am a little more optimistic about things than the other night when I wrote this post as she has been doing a little better. As long as they keep pushing the coming reality back.
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