I hate plugging my own stuff. No
matter how you spin it the deal comes down to--- for the love of god and all
that is holy, please buy my book! I don’t want to live in a van down by the
river.
I’m not one of those writers who
grew up wanting to write. The fire was ignited in the early 90s in a couple of
college classes. But, what really got things going was the story below. This is
an excerpt from the story originally written for a college class in 1993 during
my final semester at The University Of Texas At Dallas. Stunningly, it was a
huge hit. Emboldened by that success I expanded it a bit and submitted it to
Starblade Magazine where it was very quickly accepted. That led to it being
reprinted elsewhere.
Granted, it is a bit dated as Barry pointed out when he
edited Mind Slices. While I could
have updated it and changed some things I felt it was important to honor the
history of the piece and let it be as originally published.
Hell, Here & Now
I am Dantelus, the many-generational
grandson of Dante. I have received special permission in the past to visit Hell
in the hope that my works would bring a message to a world bent on
self-destruction. Unfortunately, the message does not seem to be working on
society. It is once again time to journey through the dark wood to the gates of
hell.
My only restriction was to not write
movie sequels. While limiting my works in one sense, I can safely say that the
sequels, “Lethal Weapon 16, A Time to Die” and “Batman12: The Frogman Strikes
Back” were not mine. I could have made millions. Instead, I am trudging through
the dark woods back to hell for more ideas after yet another box office
disaster.
I came around a dark corner and, as
always, the lion, the leopard, and the she-wolf sat waiting at the entrance.
The lion yawned and sat back and presently went to sleep. The other two seemed
to think that was a good idea and settled down then. Really, good help is so
hard to find these days. This wouldn’t happen if my great-great (etc.)
grandfather was still alive.
With a nod to tradition, I gave the
creatures a wide berth as I stepped around them and Virgil appeared. Virgil has
absolutely no sense of humor so I call him Virg. He hates being called Virg
which is half the fun. It must be that old-school background of his.
“Hey, Virg! How’re they hanging,
buddy?” He hates that question. I mean, he really
hates that question.
Virgil looked at me coldly. “As I
have told you numerous times before, Dantelus, I hate that question. As a
shade, there is nothing left to hang. We are only shadows of our former selves.
There are no physical bodies and therefore nothing can hang anywhere. I would
suggest you save you witty repartee for your screenplays. Now, are you coming?
I have a lot of work to do and I really don’t have time for this nonsense. By
the way, how much did the last movie lose?”
“You already know that, don’t you?
After all, this one was a bigger failure than that stupid futuristic water
movie. At least my leading man didn’t try to direct.” I was annoyed and it
showed. Virg had won that point and he knew it. “Let’s go.”
I fell in step behind Virgil and
entered through the massive gate. We passed the banner and the line of people
in the entranceway. These shades were doomed to circle behind the banner for
all eternity for their failure to make a choice between good and evil during
their lives. Amazingly, there seemed to be even more politicians and judges in
the group than the last time I was down.
We crossed the river with the surly
Charon into Hell proper and soon stood on the rim of the valley. We had entered
the first circle. When we started down the winding road in the valley I noticed
there was a portal in the wall along the road with closed doors.
“That appears to be an elevator,
Virg. What’s going on?"
“Well, Dantelus, the state of the
world has caused massive construction in Hell. We put in the elevator shaft so
that the construction shades could move directly to the work areas and avoid
delays and interference by going through each level. Come, get on and watch
your step. Some of the rock around here is still loose and liability coverage
is so expensive.”
We stepped on board and Virgil
punched the button for the first circle. “But Virg, if you need more space,
then why doesn’t Satan – or God, for that matter—just create it?”
“Dantelus, my friend, God and Satan
are just not hands-on management anymore. Thanks to your modern society
producing so much managerial talent with their MBAs and what not, God and Satan
now take things pretty easy. Most days you can find them in the park, drinking
beer and playing chess. Of course, God always takes white.”
“But what about the construction?”
“Well, the MBA shades decided that it would be
cost-effective to put the shades that had done construction in their previous
lives to work. That way, everyone works a little closer to heaven.”
As the elevator drifted downward,
Virgil turned toward me. “Remember, all of this was originally created to save
souls. Once his or her time is served and the proper remorse for past actions
is shown, then a shade can begin the long journey to heaven. It is something
like your prison system without the mockery of the accompanying justice system.
We don’t have to worry about good-time, early release, et cetera. In fact—“
A thunderous roar shook the elevator
suddenly. Alarmed, I asked, “What was that?”
“That was Satan, slamming the table,
Dantelus. God won again, so Satan pays for the beer.”
We traveled ....
If you liked the above sample, there
are 15 more short stories in Mind Slices: A Collection of New and
Previously Published Stories. With ten four and five star reviews the book
is a mix of fantasy, science fiction, and mystery with many stories containing
elements of more than one genre. $2.99 it is available online at:
If you have not yet read the book, I
hope you take a chance on it. If you have read it and have yet to review it,
please do. Positive, negative, or something in between is fine with me.
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