For the first time since 1987 we are not in the complex planning on watching fireworks lift off a half mile away at the golf course/polo club tonight. Sandi was pregnant with Karl back then. All those years ago the window rattling shows would go about 45 minutes and with the right winds you could hear the patriotic music plain as day.
That was not true the last decade or so as things had been built up across the area and some neighbors had complained about the noise. Then too the shows had been cut back to twenty minutes or so. We still had a blast sitting out there and watching. Even when she was super sick, as long as she was home, she sat out there and watched. She loved fireworks and so looked forward to it each year.
This is the first fourth without her and today has been hell. She loved the fourth, loved watching the Boston Pops play on PBS, and all the rest of it. She isn't here and like every other day that fact feels so very wrong and it hurts. I keep telling myself I did everything I possibly could for her and at least her suffering is over and she is in a better place, but on days like today that does not help me at all.
Not one damn bit.
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3 comments:
Sorry, Kevin. A difficult fourth here too.
Thank you. I am sorry, Patti.
All the holidays when you have lost someone that you have loved for so long. I used love shaving a cook out on the Fourth or a picnic, enjoy the music and the fireworks too. There was silence where we live in Plano. I thought of going some place to see the fireworks but the heat was so bad that we stayed in and had a quiet ordinary evening, Take car of yourself, grieving is life's hardest work, Carol
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